Title: Walk On (Onew, Taemin, Minho, Key POV), the 3rd chapter of my Onkey series
Kimi Dake (Only You)
Everyone must have at least one happiest moment in their life. So do I.
My happiest moment is…
When I first met him and the other members.
When I spent my time with them.
When we worked together as SHINee.
When I married him.
When we’re finally could announce our marriage to the public.
When I could take his place to be hurt…
Wait, happiest moment shouldn’t be this many right? I said happiest before, not happy. Haha…
But really, I thanked God for every second He gave me to be spent with him and my kids. My biggest happiness is….to make them happy.
“Jagiya, tomorrow is my birthday…” Key wrapped his arms around my body. “What do you think I want the most?”
“Hmm…let me think,” I tried to guess. “A new cooking set?”
He shook his head. “No, that’s not it! A more special thing…and it’s not something you can buy.”
“Hmmm….my kiss?” I laughed.
He punched my arms and laughed. “Naughty Jinki! Hahaha…That’s a part of it, but it’s not the point…”
“Well…I have no clue. But I’ve prepared a surprise for your birthday tomorrow…”
“Hey, that’s not a surprise if you tell me now!” Key pouted his lips. But he suddenly kissed my right cheek. “My only wish is to be with you forever.”
I smiled and kissed him back. “Well, you got more, honey!”
He always like that. His every wish was… “I want to be with you forever.” Oh come on, I won’t cheat on you, darling! You got my eyes since our first met. It’s not that I didn’t love the other members, but Key is wife, Taemin, Jong Hyun, Minho are our kids. We are family, I won’t leave them until I die.
“Key Bum, aishiteru…tada kimi dake, kimi dake..” I whispered. “I love you. Still only you…”
He smiled and kissed me softly. “Me too.”
“This is our goodbye stage to end our promo time.” I said to everyone. “Guys, I’m expecting a great teamwork from you all.”
“No worries, leader! We’ll do our best today…” Jong Hyun grinned. “Just don’t do your sangtae, okay!”
Tae Min smiled so wide. “Appa, we’ll do our best.”
“Yeah, we’re gonna show the SHINee world our best performance ever.” Minho winked at me. Yeah, he knew my plan.
“Okay, let’s perform kids!” Key called us. “We’re gonna perform after 2PM ends their song.”
And then we performed great. Our song stayed in the first rank of k-pop chart. The fans screamed for encore. I was so happy that I burst into tears.
That day, my life was so full of happiness.
Hmm…there is something I forgot about that day.
Oh yeah, I died.
-Tae Min pov- (In My Room)
“I’ll try to make him move on. But yet, the memory of you stay still in his room”
I decide to live at Key’s house. He’s very labile now, I can’t leave him alone.
All day long, he stares at our photos, especially Onew hyung’s photos. And shed tears every time he looks at his photos.
“Cause you were my sun, the moon
Nae juhn bu yuhtt duhn nuh
Nulh we hae chat da ji chyuh suh
Nuh jam shi it juh do
Sum kyuh nuoh en oo ri ye chu uhk ee
Ka deuk nam ah..cause you’re still in my room…”
There he goes again. He sings every SHINee’s songs while his eyes, well, wandering nowhere. He just sits in the sofa, singing our songs while looking at the photos, and cries. All day long. How can I leave him in this condition?
“..Buh ri go dduh buh ryuh do ki uhk eun
Nuh reul da shi bur ruh noh go
nae apye ahn ja suh
Oot go itt neun nuh reur ee got sye
Ka du ryuh ha neun dye”
(Even if I throw it away,
again and again
I want to call you
and see you smiling in front of me
I want to keep you right here)
“Okay, enough hyung! Stop moaning and get some food.” I said. “You haven’t eat anything since yesterday.”
He looks at me so sadly and hugs me all of the sudden. “Tae Min, Tae Min!! How do I live without him? It’s my fault!! How could I live happily when I should be the one who died?”
I caress his hair, trying to calm him. I drip a tear too, I can’t stand to see him sobbing on my shoulders. “In fact, you survive within a year after he died. It’s 7 days to his death anniversary, he must be sad if you can’t move on.”
“Thanks for everything.”
I smiled and caress him again. “You’re welcome.”
“Please take me to his grave, along with the others.”
I got freeze. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, I never visit him before, I miss him.”
“Okay…tomorrow we will visit him, ok? I’ll tell Minho hyung and Jong Hyun hyung.”
“Thanks…” he whispers.
“But now you have to eat, I have made you some porridge.”
Key nodded his head and I feel relieved.
Hyung, do you see him? The memory of you still linger in this room, but he finally starting to accept your death.
-Minho pov- (You Might Come Back)
“You might be come back. Why aren’t you come back? I’m waiting for you like a fool”
“Okay, great acting, Minho-ssi! Thanks for your work today…” The director shakes my hand. It means I did a great job.
Time to go home. How I wish I still live in the same apartment with SHINee.
Living alone is….lonely.
My cell phone’s display blinks. Income call?
“Minho-a…” He calls me.
“Jong Hyun? Is that you, Jong Hyun?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Minho, Tae Min called me just now.”
“Taeminnie?” I asked. “Why did he call you, not me?!?”
“That’s not important, duh! Listen, Taemin said, Key wants us to accompany him….” Jong Hyun got silenced for a while. “…to Onew hyung’s grave.”
Onew hyung’s grave?
“Is he will be alright?” I asked. “He even couldn’t stand to see hyung got buried.”
“Maybe, he tries to move on right now. Actually Minho…”
“I miss you.” Jong Hyun said.
I smiled. Feels like butterflies inside my chest. “Hyung, I miss you too. Can’t wait to meet you all.”
“Meet you at Key’s house tomorrow. Cya!”
I’m relieved. But also scared at the same time. I haven’t visited his grave for almost one year. Like Key hyung, I’m pretty much hurt seeing his dead body.
Hyung, wae dola oljileul ana? Why aren’t you coming back?
-Key pov- Insa [Greeting]
“I don’t know why, but I can’t move on.. mianhae~”
“Hey…” I greet Jong Hyun. He just comes out from his Porsche. He got style, I have to admit it.
“Hey Key…” He rubs my back. “How are you?”
“Fine…” I smiled, although these tears are going to drip.
“It’s been awhile yeah…” Jong Hyun’s eyes wander off. “I can’t believe there’s psycho among the fans.”
“Hyung…” Tae Min touches Jong Hyun’s hand. “Please don’t talk about it again, okay?”
“Oopsie…Sorry. I’m sorry Key…” Jong Hyun looks like he feeling guilty.
I bite my lips. Am I really ready to visit his grave? “It’s okay.” I finally said.
“Shall we go now?” Jong Hyun asks.
“We’ll have to wait for Minho.” I said.
“He will be there already. That place is nearer from his house rather than from this place.”
I bite my lips again. I try to hold back my tears. No more cry, Key! I told myself.
“Well then, let’s go there.”
Oh well…So this is how I died?
I didn’t regret my death—moreover, I died to protect my wife. How cool is that?
I thought it was one of my happiness, protect him even though I have to lose my life. But seeing him crying everyday—moaning over my death—really makes me feeling guilty.
God, what should I do?
Tae Min, Minho, Jong Hyun, and Key got lost contact because of me. They haven’t smile from their sincere heart since my death.
God, now I’m really feeling guilty.
All I can do is watching them secretly from above. I can’t touch them, and they can’t see me also.
But Minho, like I said before, I always be your bodyguard, I’m watching you to grow up well. Jong Hyun, I wish I could lend my shoulder to you to cry on. But I know, you’re a strong guy.
Tae Min, since when you turn into someone this tough? I’m so proud of you, son…
Key… Hhh…jagiya, don’t cry anymore.
It was my first time visiting his grave. I saw a lot of flower bouquets around his grave. It must be from the fans.
How kind the SHINee world are. It’s not his death anniversary yet, but they were already visiting him many times.
I’m not even once.
“Honey, I’m sorry.” I whispered. “Long time not seeing you.”
The other member just remained in silence. They looked at me and nodded, they understood I need my time to talk to him. So they just stand and watched me.
I didn’t care being watched.
“Jinki, are you mad at me? I’m so sorry, if only didn’t evade from that crazy girl…”
“Umma, don’t say like that…” Tae Min interrupted me. But I didn’t care.
“Jinki, I would like to say ‘how are you’ or ‘are you stay healthy?’ but…” I couldn’t hold my tears anymore. “…you’re…you’re…died.” I gasped, surprised at my own word and then cries. Again.
Minho quickly hugged me and pulled me to his chest, trying to calm me down. Tae Min and Jong Hyun hugged me too, and made me cried even more.
“Mianhae, Mianhae…” I kept repeating that word. As I thought, I still can’t accept your death.
“Shall we go home now?” Minho asked me with tender voice. “It’s okay if you still need some time. Onew hyung must understand that too…”
I cried, because I have failed.
“Key hyung, you did a great job.” Tae Min smiled in pain. “You dare yourself to go here. He must be very happy.”
“Yeah, don’t push yourself too hard, we’ll try to take it slow.” Jong Hyun added.
“Thanks everyone…” I sobbed. “Darling, I promise I will visit you again. I’ll try to move on.”
“You will?” Minho looks surprised. “When will you come here again? I’ll accompany you.”
I shook my head. “You don’t have to. I’ll try to get over my sadness alone.”
“Are you sure?” Jong Hyun asked. “Don’t hesitate to ask for our help, Key!”
“No, I’ll be alright.” I wiped out my tears. “Tae Min will help me. I know you two were busy.”
“Oh well…if you insist,” Minho messed my hair. “Now, let us take you home.”
-Onew pov- Majimak Seonmul [Last Gift]
And I’ll grant whatever your wish is…”
Knowing that you are loved by someone you loved will make you happy.
But if that love will only make your beloved one crying over you, will you still be happy?
I am not.
After his first insa, he kept visiting me everyday.
He told me a lot of stories, but in the end…he kept repeating ‘sorry’. What are you sorry for?! Seeing you cry really makes me want to cry.
“Jinki Honey, it’s your first death anniversary.” He said. He sit next to my grave, his eyes stared at my gravestone. “…and also my birthday. Irony is it? Today is the anniversary of birth and death.”
Right. It’s your birthday.
“Happy birthday, darling…” I kissed him. But of course, I touch nothing. “Please cheer up.”
“You granted my wishes last year, will you grant my wish today?” He whispers.
Of course. I’ll grant whatever your wishes are. Just tell me.
“I wish…” He plunged in thought. “…to meet you again. To be with you again.”
If only I could grant his wish.
“That’s impossible, right?” He laughs in pain. “Dead people can’t come alive again.”
Oh God, let me hug him just one more time.
What was I thinking? Of course he can’t grant my wishes again. Jinki, I’m sorry for making such a wish.
“Well, I guess I have to go home now.” I rub his gravestone. “Tae Min will be worried.”
I turn my back and as I walk off, I hear a very familiar voice calling my name.
“Key Bum-ah, why are you crying?”
I quickly turn my head.
And there he stands, smiling widely. “I miss you.”
These tears just can’t be hold anymore.
I run to him and hug him tight. “I miss you too, Jinki.”
-to be continued-
recommended song (to make this ff even more dramatic):
kimi dake by koike teppei, reason “Endless Love OST”, SHINee’s in my room, last gift, please don’t go
– kimi dake by Koike Teppei
– In my room by SHINee
– Might Come Back by 2PM
– Insa by Jae Joong
– Last Gift by SHINee