Yet another drabble is coming again… and yes it’s 2min (again). I just read the report about what happen in Music Core rehearsal and I knew I HAVE to write this piece. This one’s pretty much inspired also by Avril Lavigne’s song entitled Innocence. I feel in love with this song almost immediately and I know this is a perfect song for Taemin’s POV in this drabble. This one is probably a bit different from the previous pieces, but I hope I don’t confuse you too much. Taemin’s literally confused about something, regarding himself and Minho.
Warning: Unbeta-ed so beware of grammatical errors and typos~
I’m glad that I went 17 last Sunday. I am more than happy to realize that I am legal enough to have my own ID card which was neatly laminated and feel so proud that I have to restrain myself to show it to almost everyone I meet; just to yell mentally at them that I’m not a kid anymore and they better stop treating me like one. I am quite aware that my inner side is gradually changing. No more whiny, pouty Lee Taemin from SHINee who secretly loved to have some of the hyung’s attentions drawn to him. I even start to feel uneasy when I see some younger artists because they remind me of my old self. I am relieved by the fact that people would stop seeing me as the baby of the group and it’s absolutely satisfying when they treat me like a growing adult ever since my birthday last week.
But of all the things and treatments I’m thankful, relieved, or satisfied for being gone once and for all, there’s only one that I thought I lost already… maybe I’m wrong. I’m trying to get rid of it, at least for the people to see but it’s not working with you. It’s probably the only explanation for a question like why I’d always back to my old self when you’re near. I don’t usually follow what other people tell me, not even when Key or Onew hyung are the ones who ask. But just a simple request made by you, it came back and I’d be the previous Taemin who obeyed his hyung without unnecessary protests.
What spell do you put in me? How come this childish sign shows its existence just because of a sweet words coming out from the mouth of yours? Ironically I need this feeling to keep us alive, to keep me having this burning passion I feel for so long only for you; because you told me once that you loved this weak, naïve side of me. By keeping this feeling, I wouldn’t know if you’re just toying around with my heart. I wouldn’t know if you’re just using it to fool me to get what you want. I don’t care because behind every deception I might get from you, I am happy. It gave me the very best time of my life, together with you and I don’t ever want to lose it.
Truthfully I want it to be vanished, but then I’m scared. I am afraid, that if I lost it then I might not find myself in love with you anymore; that I might find that everything you said to me was nothing but lies, that everything we had was just a short adventure in between our not so normal teenager periods. I am scared I might see our relationship as a mistake and finally see what we did as a sin. I am too scared to let you go, because I know my heart has finds its home and it’s in you. You see, it’s haunting me and threatening to leave me at the same time. The innocence, that is.
Now tell me what to do. Should I let this innocence flies trough the opened corner of my reborn self, or maybe I’d have to keep it safely just to make you stay? I’ve fallen too deep already to make a decision. So tell me, Minho. Tell me even when you can’t say a single word from that smiling lips; just speak to me from those caring eyes that you put on me.
Must I find my way out of this wonderful maze of childishness or letting myself trapped eternally inside?
This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don’t go away
I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it
Don’t you let it pass you by
(Innocence – Avril Lavigne)
This FF could be also found in Enma D’mightyhyunsaferism’s FB