annyeong ^^ ketemu lagi sama author Enma yang asoy XDD *ditombak* kali ini aku nyoba bikin songfic hanchul pake lagunya Suju M dan Jay Chou karena selain untuk memenuhi utangan sama Anggi yang dulu minta hanchul, author juga gregetan sama kasusnya Han yg kagak beres-beres… Kan kasian banget hanchul dipisahin TT^TT author juga terinspirasi karena kejadian heechul nangis di konser waktu itu. Walau belum pasti sih apa penyebabnya tapi author yakin 85% chullie nangis karena dia inget kyung TTT^TTT tanpa berlama-lama, yawdah langsung aja dibaca deh~ WARNING: un-beta-ed so please bear with grammatical errors and typos X3 seperti biasa, yang di-italic dan di-bold itu lirik lagunyaaa~
Hanchul Songfic part I: Blue Tomorrow by SuJu M
When it’s tomorrow, we can only let love pass by
Before daybreak, two persons’ smiling faces become a yellowed photograph>
I used to think nothing could separate us. Not our friends, fans, the management, even our parents. Our love was too strong, too tough to be destroyed. No matter how bad those people judge us and our relationship, we kept holding on; because we believe in ourselves, in our love that blooms eternally inside. We made our promises and kept that promises for a long time…
But then it happened.
I guess I would never understand why you had to do that to our group, our company… to US. I know you suffer with the bond you were tied to but don’t you realize we do suffer too? You’re hurting all the members, you’re ruining our group, and our fans’ hearts… my heart.
“I’m sorry, I have to do this…” I heard your whisper on the phone.
What does our relationship means to you then if sorry is the only explanation you have? Where is your love that you once claimed to be mine and mine only?
I hate you for being such a selfish bastard but I can’t stop myself from playing our memories in my mind, though it’s starts to fade away as time goes by… every minutes, hours, days… Months; and still you haven’t come back. I wonder if your love fades away as well.
Around me (loneliness is spreading)
Vision (is being blurred by tears)
I left “I love you” at the bottom of my heart and put them on the tip of my lips
I never wish to cry because it’s the visible existent of my despair. But it’s becoming hard to not to since you went away. I’m surrounded by many people but somehow the loneliness brings me back to you and once again, I feel like a coward because tears would start to pool around my eyes. I hold back the salty liquid and take a deep breathe, looking around as usual when I need you to comfort me… but you aren’t there. At times when I am alone in our used-to-be shared bedroom, when I wrap myself in your favorite shirt and smell your scent that still lingers in every inch of the sewed fabric; I wish you’re the one I am hold on to but still… you ignore my heart that’s crying out loud for your presence… and once again I will have to swallow the un-said words that almost forgotten as the time passes by.
When it’s tomorrow, you will leave my side
When it’s tomorrow, I will wish upon a shooting star alone
Just like the ending of a movie
Our ending fulfilled the prediction of tears
They tell me everything would be okay, that I must believe someday it’s going to an end and we’ll become a happy couple again just like we were once before. I try to grasp that faith and keep it inside myself but it’s almost impossible to be done when the faith itself refuses to stay and enlighten the dark corner of my heart? As the other members pat my shoulder and cry together with me, I secretly wonder if it’s the end already; and must this end have to be like this, drowned in the middle of despair and the feel of being betrayed? Yes, we have to look forward for a better tomorrow but if the only tomorrow I have is going to be alone without you then I choose not to face it at all, and I’ll pray that God would erase the memories of you.
Love is still lingering in my room
Before the memory becomes real, in a moment
It felt like you were in front of my eyes
I want to hate you, I want to forget everything we had in the past, left all our hopes and promises we made on the back of my head. I try to laugh and act like nothing happen just like the other members do, but I can’t do it perfectly. Hiding my own feeling to you isn’t something that i’m good at. I miss you too much until I have to upload our old photos in my homepage, smiling like an idiot as I recall the memories written in each and everyone of them, hoping someday we’ll write more beautiful memories together just to make cheer myself up. It feels nice; it’s like you’re there with me and smiling together, laughing at my snarky comments about you and us… but when I turn around to face, you’re gone. That was when I realize that my imagination has tricked me once again.
Broken promises all over the ground, the yesterday that cannot be pieced together again
But I still look forward to the appearance of a miracle
I’m still waiting for you to come back to my side
Tears are falling on the side of my cold pillow
“Put your trust in us, Heechulie… Please. Just believe in me.”
That was your words that ring on my head that night; the exact words you say to me just a couple of moment before the concert started in your country. YOUR country, Hankyung… You didn’t show up, but I knew you’re there. You were watching us from afar, somewhere in the middle of the crowd. Did you see how much our fans missed you? Did you see how our group is incomplete without you, or even without Kangin and Kibum’s absence? Did you know how much I hurt? Did you see my flowing tears I finally shed for you before our weeping fans?
I was confused; I wanted to believe you but I’m getting tired of waiting. I need you by my side, I need you to help me picking the broken promises off the ground and glue them together again so we can finally see our future that once destroyed by the hands of fate. Tell me now, can we hold on to our tomorrow? Can you create a miracle for us? Can you hold me just once, just freaking once if we see each other later, even if it’s on a show and even when we have to meet as another individuals? Will you still look at me lovingly… as I will look at you that way?
I love you, it will not change
I’ll be loving you till eternity
Hanchul Songfic part II: Run Aground by Jay Chou
The sky that hasn’t cleared up for a while
As usual retains your smile
Yet no way to bury guilt
Today is the exact 55th time I had spending my peaceful morning in this park and everything in the place still reminds me of you. The erratically moving tree branches, the fresh air that I breathe, the warm sun ray on the side of my face; they just remind me of your cheerful and open self, the obvious opposite of mine. Such a difference people could find in both of us but maybe that’s why we could be a lover for years. I smile unconsciously as I look up and stare at the wide sky towering me above, only to feel a stab in my heart when I see it not as bright as I used to know. Just like you, the recent you who I left in your country. I stop walking and wonder if you’re staring at the same sky somewhere in your place right now?
I’m pulling the string
Reviewing the tenderness you gave
Bringing myself down on the brown park bench, I was forced to travel back in time when we were still together as a group and lovers. You were always the one who protected me though I was the one who supposed to play the hero role. Though I had to feel the hell-ish days of training and endless performances, you were always there for me; comforting me with your love and I cherished every moments we had together. Even so, I hurt you and I know that I don’t deserve you anymore… but I don’t wanna lose you. I still wish for that tenderness you gave me, because I need them. I need them to help me get trough these hard times and to know that you’re still supporting me is everything more than anything. I know I’m selfish but can’t a man hope for his own love?
Loneliness that is insolating
Laughing at me for not being able to give a promise
how come you unexpectedly forgave me?
I try to laugh but frankly tears that were dwelling in the corner of my eyes has finally make their way out and soaking my face as I see our pictures. I hate myself for being such a coward, for not showing how much I miss you just like you do; for being unable to hold you and keep my promises to you. My heart scattered as I read your words, even when I can’t see you I know how it takes all your efforts to make a post like that. Is it your way to say that you’re still waiting for me even tough I’m acting like I’m okay without you? Is it how you say that you’re understand and still believe in me tough I start to be worried about our future?
I can only forever be reading the lines
Reading the hurt I gave you
I cannot forgive myself
Then ask you to regard that I’m already not here
I don’t deserve your love. There are too many scars I’ve made in your heart and I can’t give you more of them. I realize that I must forever leave you but if I do, am I still able to continue my life like nothing happened? Do I have the strength to see you breaking down? My heart is your heart; and if I have to crush yours, then it means I am going to crush mine also. However, do I still worth enough to be the sole reason of your unstoppable tears that you shed and the loneliness you show in your eyes tough you’re smiling outside? Maybe you should forget me and let me disappear from your life… Your love is the best things I’ve receive in my life and I don’t deserve it, Chullie…
I open my eyes
Looking at the empty space
Forget the expectation you had towards me
As I put my gaze to my lap, observing the thin lines of the corduroy pants I wear and feeling the wind sweeping my freshly cut hair, I smile sadly. I’m sorry, for being unable to fulfill your wishes, for not being able to keep our promises, to fulfill your expectation towards me… You have to find your own happiness and I’m already failed to give it to you. Taking a deep breath, I decided to look at the sky again and I’m surprised when I see it shinning brightly as the sun slowly reveals itself in between the now visible clouds. I let out a loud gasp as the sun rays shine on me, warming my face with its heavenly light. A call makes my phone rings and brings me back to the place where I am; my manager is on the other line.
“Geng, you’re going to meet Super Junior in a show… Heechul’s going to be there too.”
Is this fate that playing on us? Or is it God who finally has some mercies for us and gives us a way to meet again?
maaf kalo jelek TTT^TTT author berusaha sekuat tenaga dan pikiran utk menggambarkan feeling kedua manusia ini walo pastinya ga sempurna. Tadinya sih aq Cuma mau bikin chul POV aja, tapi author takut Anggi tambah benci sama kyung >.< jadi author memutuskan untuk bikin dua-duanya deh… percayalah, kyung pasti juga menderita jauh-jauhan sama chul, walau dia kelihatannya baik-baik saja. Dalam hatinya kyung pasti juga sama menderitanya kayak chul so please don’t hate him TT^TT thanx for reading and commenting ^^
btw, han sama suju beneran bakal ketemu gak sih besok?? o.O