“maeum i apphasseo…”
“Key, saranghae…” Jonghyun kiss me softly. I reply his kiss slightly.
“Jonghyun-ah, you always kiss me 24/7.”
“That because…” Jonghyun smiles and pecks my forehead. “I’m happy I got you.”
“Jonghyun, I know I agree to date you. But…”
Jonghyun looks deep into my eyes. “You still can’t forget him, right?”
I smile awkwardly. “Yeah… Mianhae Jonghyun, but I have to admit, when you kiss me, the one I imagined is…”
“Onew?” Jonghyun cuts my words.
“Yeah.” I bow my head. “Mianhae…”
Jonghyun glares at me, he doesn’t say anything for minutes. and suddenly he holds my jaw and pull my face closer to him. “From now on, don’t close your eyes when we kiss. Remember my face, feel my scent, sense my kiss, I’ll definitely make you forget him.”
Then he kisses me passionately. His tongue tastes every inches of my mouth, and urges me to reply his kiss. But when you’re kissing with your eyes open, how can you enjoy it? So I just reply his kiss slightly while stare at Jonghyun’s face.
I can’t. Why I couldn’t erase Onew’s image from my mind, although I’m kissing with Jonghyun now? I feel guilty. Both to Jonghyun and Onew.
“Kibum-ah, saranghae…” Jonghyun whispers between his kisses. “Forever…”
“Jonghyun…” I look deep into his eyes and kiss him back. “Mianhae…Jeongmal mianhae…”
“Kim Kibum…” Jonghyun embraces me tight. “What should I do to make you love me?” He sheds a tear. Make me want to cry too.
“We’re home!!” Suddenly the door banged open. Onew, Taemin, and Minho come inside and bring their groceries.
“Omo!!” Taemin drops his shopping bag when he sees me and Jonghyun kissing.
“Taemin, you can’t see!” Minho quickly covers Taemin’s eyes with both of his hands. I quickly break our kiss and stand afar from Jonghyun.
“G-guys? I thought you will come home late…” I say.
“Taemin got tired already.” Minho answers. “Did you kissing with Jonghyun-hyung just now?”
“N-no…” I deny.
“Umma, are you two dating?” Taemin asks with smile in his face. “I thought you’re dating appa…”
“No, we’re just friends.” Onew quickly interrupt my words. His face shows no expression. “And why would I date him? I’m a normal guy…”
Why would I date him?
That’s right. I’m no worth to be loved by him. Slowly, I feel something hot run down my face. It’s tears.
Everyone looked confused, especially Onew. “Hey, hey, hey, Key, why are you crying?” Onew asks. He gently rubs my shoulder, makes me sobs even harder.
“Don’t touch him.” Jonghyun drags me to his embrace. He glares at Onew coldly. “Hyung, you’re too much. Go away.”
“Hey, what’s my fault?” Onew looked angry. “I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong!”
“Oh yes, YOU DO!! Now, stay away from us, stupid leader!!” Jonghyun yells.
“What did you say?” Onew’s face is as red as tomato now. He looked so piss off.
“Appa…” Taemin tries to calm down Onew. “Your words hurt umma’s feeling.”
“It’s okay, Taeminnie~” I erase my tears. “It’s not Jinki’s fault.”
“What?” Jonghyun glares at me. “Don’t hold your pain, honey!”
“No, no, I’m okay.” I smile at him. “I’m sorry I make you guys worried.”
“Kibum,” Onew suddenly holds my hand. “I want to talk with you for awhile.”
I remain silent for awhile. Eottoke? I look at Jonghyun, asking for suggestion. He takes a deep breath and finally nods. “It’s up to you.”
“Thanks.” I smile to him weakly. “Okay, what do you want to talk?”
“Not here. Let’s go.” Onew drags me into our bedroom and slams the door closed.
“Kim Kibum…” Onew sits on his bed and gaze upon my eyes. “Are you dating Jonghyun?”
“……” What should I answer?
“Yeah, that’s right. I date him. Is that wrong?”
“Why?” He asks with sad face.
Why? Because you always hurts my feeling!! I shout in my heart. And why he asks like that now, does it mean he finally realizes that he loves me?
“Because…. I want to. Why do you ask?”
“Ah, nothing…” Onew smiles awkwardly. “I thought we’re best friend, but you never tell me that you’re dating Jonghyun.”
How can I tell you, Onew?? You’re the one who made me like this!!
“I’m sorry I haven’t told you earlier.” I said. “You didn’t tell me either about what happened between you and Jihyun-ssi that morning.”
“Ah, that…” Onew blushes. “Well, we’re just talking…”
Onew blushes once again. “Err… and then, I kissed her. I said that I love her.”
I saw it, Jinki. And that was the reason I want to forget you.
“…..and how was her reaction?”
Onew bites his dry lips, and then answers, “she said that she love me too.”
“Ohh…” Feels like there’s a big hammer that crushes my heart into pieces. “So, you’re officially lovers with her, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” he smiles awkwardly. “But please don’t tell anybody about it. Even to the other SHINee members. It will ruin our career.”
“Oh, okay. Now if you let me, I want to go back to Jjong…” I quickly open the door and run to Jonghyun’s embrace.
“Jonghyun-ah…” I sob on his chest. “He said, he said that he’s lovers with Jihyun now…”
Jonghyun caresses my hair and kisses my head gently. “Sshhh… forget Jinki hyung, forget Jihyun-ssi. Forget everything. You have me who will always love you.”
Why did I lie to Key just now? Why did I say that Ji Hyun is my lovers?
I punch the bedroom’s wall with my fist. “Argh… stupid Jinki!!”
I remembered that day well, when I kissed Ji Hyun without knowing the reason why.
“S-s-Sunbae?” She looked startled.
“Saranghae…” I said. “Nam Ji Hyun, saranghae…”
“S-sunbae, I’m very flattered with your affection…” She smiled awkwardly and bowed. “But I’m sorry, we shouldn’t get together by now. Our company forbids us to have relationship, and also, I want to focus at my career.”
“Ah yeah…” I could feel my heart ached a little. I got rejected. “I just want to let you know that I love you. I’m sorry I kissed you.”
“Err… it’s okay.” Ji Hyun looked awkward to be around me. “Erm, I think I should end my practice now. I have to go back to our dorm…”
“No, no, just continue your practice…” I said. “I’m sorry to bother you. I have to go back now, Key is waiting for me outside. I’m sorry for everything, Ji Hyun-ssi…” I quickly grabbed my bag and walked outside.
“Sunbae!” She called.
“We’re still best friend, aren’t we?” She asked me.
“Yeah,” I gulped. “Of course.”
“Annyeong sunbaenim. Have a safe walk.” She bowed at me again.
“Ne, annyeong.” I walked outside with a broken heart. Where’s Key? I have to tell him about this.
But he wasn’t there.
And since that day, he will never be there for me again. He will stay at Jonghyun’s side, not me.
And why I feel so lonely to know that he’s not single anymore?
Why does it hurts inside my heart? It hurts more than the time Ji Hyun rejected me.
-to be continued-